


What's Love Got to Do With It

by totilott



Series: A Groovy Kind of Love [14]
Category: DCU (Comics), Justice League International (Comics)
Genre: First Time Blow Jobs, M/M, Oral Sex, Post-Coital Cuddling, So much talking, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-08-20 20:54:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20234215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totilott/pseuds/totilott
Summary: Nights of bliss, but there are important things that have been left unsaid.





	What's Love Got to Do With It

“You don’t have to, you know.”

“Of course I don’t_ have to_,” Ted murmurs with a smile, trying to gauge Booster’s expression in the dim light of the hotel room. Outside the snow is piling up against the window, but they’re warm and comfortable under the soft covers. “I’d just like to.”

There’s a soft exhale from Booster, like Ted’s words have caught him unawares. Then he’s enveloped in Booster’s arms, answering Booster’s heated kisses as best he can. He can taste his own saltiness on Booster’s tongue and wonders dimly if Booster will taste the same.

Strange, that unfamiliar energy in Booster tonight, for the last couple of nights. In the day he’s less bright and outgoing, falling silent when he’d usually join in, and in the nights he clings to Ted in a way that should feel loving and appreciative, but which makes whatever subtle anxiety that currently lives in Booster spread to Ted.

That’s not why Ted’s doing this. He’s been working towards this for ages, wanting it and never quite daring to go the distance. He needed an occasion to work towards, a deadline for himself, and decided this would be it. 

Their quest to figure out how to fix Booster's force field belt has led them to Copenhagen, and the hotel staff doesn't seem to have noticed who spends time in whose rooms as long as they're paying for two. They only got to Denmark hours before, and it was too late to go see the world's foremost futuretech analyst at the university, so they opted for an early night. Together.

“How do you want me to do this?” Ted murmurs and softly kisses Booster’s neck.

“You’re always asking me that,” Booster smiles, squirming under him. “I usually don’t have any strong opinions one way or the other, you know.”

Ted bites his lip, a little self-conscious, but gives Booster a final kiss in determination and ducks under the covers.

“No, Ted, I think you --” Booster giggles, coaxing him back up. “Wait. You’re just gonna run out of air and get too hot and be miserable under there.”

“See?” Ted makes a face, his hands only trembling a little bit. “That’s why I need you to tell me the best way to do this.”

Booster hooks an arm around him and pulls him close, on top of himself, and his lips are soft and warm. He groans contentedly. “Okay, uh--” He squints cursory at the room. “There’s a chair.”

As Ted shifts back, sitting up on his knees, Booster lights the lamp on the nightstand, a warm yellowish glow falling on his naked skin as he sits up, swings his feet to the carpeted floor, and strolls over to the armchair in the corner of the room. He looks so striking that moment he's silhouetted against the light, that Ted exhales softly in wonder. Booster’s tousled hair, his strong thighs, his slender waist. Even his silhouette is so intensely handsome, not just the form but his posture, the easy yet statuesque way he carries himself. How comfortable he is in his own skin, even naked, even with an unmistakable erection swinging gently with each step.

He falls bodily into the chair, facing Ted, and grins. “You joining me?” He squirms into position, knees apart, and pulls his fingers through his hair. “And, oh, bring a pillow.”

First Ted leans over and roots around in the pile of clothes on the floor till he finds his boxer shorts and pulls them on. The air of the room seems to have heated up some from their earlier activities, and doesn’t feel cold against his skin anymore. He pulls the plump pillow with him as he rises, thinking how different his silhouette must seem against the light. He forbids himself from covering himself with the pillow and walks over to Booster with a self-conscious smile.

“You can stop at anytime, you know,” Booster tells him earnestly as he grabs the pillow from Ted and drops it on the floor between his feet. “At any point. I won’t be disappointed or --”

“Booster,” Ted chuckles, leaning over him and giving him a soft kiss. “I’m starting to think you’re more nervous than I am.”

“I just don’t want you to hate it,” Booster mutters with a crooked smile. It makes something flutter in Ted’s chest, a shock of tenderness he’s not sure how to deal with. But at the same time there’s something... different about Booster. That unfamiliar touch of anxiety.

“I wanna try,” Ted reassures him. “If it’s alright with you.”

Booster’s eyelids flutter almost imperceptibly for a moment as he exhales. “Yes. Please. It’s -- it’s _very_ alright with me.”

Ted kisses him harder, standing over him in the chair, resting his hand on the backrest. It's a thrilling novelty, towering over Booster for once. Gently, experimentally, he lifts his other hand to push Booster back, trailing his fingers up his throat, along his jaw, to cradle his face. Booster groans enthusiastically into his mouth, lifting his hand to Ted’s arm.

"Fuck. Ted," Booster whisper as their lips part.

“Right,” Ted mutters with a self-conscious smile, dropping to a kneeling position on the floor, comfortably supported by the pillow. Smart, that.

He gently rests his hands on the outside of Booster’s thighs, a little surprised at the subtle way they’re trembling under his fingers, and finds his position between Booster’s knees. He takes a deep breath. “Now what _the fuck_ do I do?”

Booster tilts forward in his seat, a burst of laughter echoing in the room as he hides his face in his hands. Ted sits back on his heels, laughing too.

It’s so good that this is still them, this is how they are together. It makes every weird, daunting part of their secret lives together a little easier, a little less scary. Because they’re still best friends, they’re still two weirdos enjoying each other's company.

“Okay, um,” Booster titters, wiping his eyes. “I think just -- keep everything nice and wet and, um, don’t use your teeth, and I think it’ll feel great no matter what you do.” He falls back in his seat, tilting his head back, trying not to giggle.

Ted grins, taking a breath, trying to swallow down his nagging anxieties about.... doing this, being in this position.

_Okay, that’s how low the bar is. Just use lots of spit and don’t chew on him. You can do that. It’s your first time, not gonna send him to the moon and back on your first try._

But it’s funny, his mouth is so dry.

Ted presses his lips together, trying to swallow, but there’s nothing to swallow, just air and vacuum. He sucks in his cheeks, trying to muster up some saliva, but there's not a drop of moisture to be had.

_Well done, Ted. You’ve fucked up rule one already. Why did you think you could do this?_

“Or you just, um --”

Ted looks up, meeting Booster’s soft eyes. Seeing the way the warm light falls on his skin, frames his face.

“You can use your tongue. And lick.” He bites his lip, searching Ted’s eyes. “Or if you don’t want to do this now, we can -- Jesus, _ah_.”

It was just a swipe with his tongue, up the shaft, the head. His bone dry tongue, but Booster’s breathing is already heavy, a gentle plea in his eyes. Ted’s more... surprised than anything. At that reaction.

It was just a lick.

He takes a breath and licks again, the same, and a strange squeak escapes Booster, his hand trembling on the armrest. To Ted it... feels unearned. He knows he's not good at this and he's already fucked up and he doesn't feel particularly sexy doing it either.

He licks again, and this is the first time he really tastes Booster, a drop of salt on his tongue that’s so hot it feels like liquid fire. He pauses, closing his mouth, surprised at this new sensation. He sucks in his cheeks, tasting the salt on his tongue, and is relieved to feel a little bit of saliva appearing.

Okay, okay, Back on track.

He coats his tongue with spit as best he can and leans forward, pulling a broad tongue all the way up. When he reaches the head Booster moans and jerks his hips, his cock bumping against Ted’s nose.

“Fuck, ah, it’s hard to --” Booster breathes, closing his eyes. “I know, I need to sit still, I have to just --” He repositions in the chair. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Ted replies, aware of the flush in his face. “Really.”

“I think maybe if you, um, grip it so you know if I’m gonna, uh --” He leans forward and swiftly takes hold of Ted’s hand, guiding it towards his cock, but seems to change his mind mid-action. Flashing a sheepish smile, he looks into Ted's eyes and brings it to his lips, kissing the palm, before he lets go and allows Ted to wrap his fingers around the shaft. “It’s, ah, really fucking sexy and good, the things you’re doing, by the way.” He smiles. “If you couldn’t tell.”

“Good,” Ted smiles, his eyes dropping to the impressive erection in front of him. He hopes Booster isn't acting just to make him feel better. Nothing he's done so far has earned reactions like those, surely. But he does still feel a little glow of satisfaction in his chest.

“Do you hate it?”

The question makes Ted raise his gaze, meeting Booster’s. There's a beautiful flush of color in his cheeks... And yet something nervous, uncertain in his eyes.

“I don’t hate it, Booster,” Ted tells him, confused. “I’ll let you know if I hate it.”

“I -- I, um,” Booster swallows, pulling his fingers through his hair again but pausing, his fist gripping his hair. “I’m sorry, I’m ruining the mood. I’ll stop asking. I’m sorry.”

“Do you want me to go on?” Ted asks, a pinch of worry in his gut. Is it that _Booster_ doesn’t want this, is that why he --

“Uh huh. Yes, I really, um, I mean I -- absolutely. Yes!” Booster makes a face, letting his hand drop to the armrest, and laughs thinly. “Jesus, it sounds faker the more I say it.” He leans forward, pulling his fingers through Ted’s curls, earning a little shiver of pleasure, and looks him in the eyes. “I want this, Ted. As long as you want it too.”

Ted frowns. “Is there something going on?” 

“No,” Booster sighs, frustrated. “Or -- I don’t know. I’m just tired, and horny, and -- Ted,” he smiles. “You can’t expect my brain to work when you’re on your knees with my dick in your hand.”

Ted giggles, his face burning. God, the state of them.

He pauses, looking up at Booster’s face one more time to ascertain that they’re still on the same page, then he leans forward and wraps his lips around the head of Booster’s cock. Drops of salty heat against his tongue once more, burning him without burning him.

“Jesus Christ,” Booster keens softly, the muscles of his legs straining to not buck his hips.

Ted shuffles a little closer, trying to focus, trying to forget that lump of shame in his stomach.

_This is what you’re doing now, Ted. This is what you are. On your knees sucking dick._

Ted screws his eyes shut, continuing. If his dad knew about this he’d disown him all over. Not just a no-good screw-up, a -- a deviant, a pervert. Some uglier words too. That’s what he is.

“Mm. Shit. _Wait, _ah --” comes a choked plea from Booster, a trembling hand urging Ted to raise his head.

“What is it?” Ted asks, worrying he’s fucked up more already.

“I just, ah, can we agree on what -- I mean if I -- is it okay --” Booster tilts his head back, a frustrated groan from the back of his throat. He takes a breath, and looks at Ted. “Do you want me to not come in your mouth? It’s okay if you don’t, I just need to know if I should give you a head warning.”

Ted’s face is burning again, but not so bad that he doesn’t smirk. _Head warning. _“Uh, I don't know,” he murmurs with a smile. “What if we cross that bridge when we get to it? Let me know when you get close, and, uh, we’ll figure it out.” _If_ Booster gets close. Not exactly a pro at work, here.

“Okay,” Booster breathes, leaning back in his seat once more. "Deal."

Ted sets to work again, trying not to see that outside perspective, himself doing this. This activity which feels so much more damning, somehow, than the other things he and Booster have been doing together these last couple of months.

Ted pushes that unease aside and tries going deeper this time, hoping he won’t gag. He has a good grip on Booster to stop him from thrusting, because he knows he couldn’t take much more of him in his mouth. Then he moves up, lips wet and tightly closed, as Booster makes a desperate, high-pitched sound and shoves him off again.

“Okay, ah,” comes the choked groan from Booster. “I’m close.”

“For real?” Ted smirks.

“Yeah,” Booster squirms in his seat, his breathing unsteady. “So if, um, if you want you can just jerk me off or, or, I’ll do it." He looks down at Ted, his eyelashes fluttering slightly. "I’ll do whatever you want.”

Puzzled, Ted pauses and trails the fingers of his free hand up Booster’s thigh, who trembles under his fingertips. “You could just, uh --” He swallows, a flash of heat in his chest. “Finish in my mouth, can’t you?”

“I just don’t want you to choke or something,” Booster murmurs. “I don’t want this to be a bad experience for you.”

Ted sits up, off his heels until he’s face to face with Booster, or as close as he can get. He angles his head and kisses him, soft. “Will you relax already?” He murmurs with a smile. “I’m supposed to be the anxious one.”

Booster chuckles breathlessly, giving Ted’s nose a quick peck. “No, you’re not.”

“You want me to keep going?”

“Uh huh. Please.” Booster exhales slowly, raising a hand and rubbing his neck as Ted sits down on his heels again. “If you’re gonna -- I’d try catching it on your tongue or in your cheek, so it doesn’t go down wrong and, um, make you cough.” He pauses. “And you don’t have to swallow or anything, I think there are Kleenex --”

“Booster,” Ted looks at him. “Just shut up and relax.”

Booster chuckles, biting his lip. “God, I love it when you’re bossy.”

That little flash of heat in his chest again, Ted lowers his gaze to the hard cock in his hand. He jerks it slowly, another bead of precum appearing, growing a little with every stroke until it runs down, following the downward curve. He continues using his hand as he leans forward, wrapping his lips around the head.

A choked noise escapes Booster. _“God.”_

Booster moans softly and moves his leg closer to Ted's side, and it makes Ted look up. He sees the way Booster’s back arches away from the chair, sees the heavy rise and fall of his chest, sees his delicious full lips parted, every exhale marked with a soft moan. Then he meets Booster’s lidded gaze, dark with pleasure, watching him with undisguised delight.

Embarrassed, Ted closes his eyes again, feeling Booster's hand nudge his, covering it. A soft squeeze of encouragement. Ted exhales through his nose.

No one would blame him for doing this if they saw how beautiful Booster is right now.

Ted's only real regret is not paying attention to what was being done when he was on the receiving end. You’d think he have some kind of idea what feels good. He’s had Booster do this to him enough times already, and Booster’s a pro. Not to mention several girlfriends in the past who were pretty talented at this. Hours of his life spent receiving and never once really taking note of _what_ felt good.

He wants this to be good. He wants to feel like he’s earned the gasps and moans from Booster, because right now he can't shake the feeling Booster’s just trying to make him feel good.

"Shit, ah," Booster murmurs, and it's more breathing than speaking.

He glances up at Booster, sees his stomach tremble gently with every breath, sees the long curved line of his torso. He can tell from the angle of his head he’s still watching him, watching Ted do this to him, which is why Ted can’t bring himself to look all the way up, meet his gaze. Acknowledge what Booster sees, Ted Kord on his knees like a pervert, blowing --

He closes his eyes. No.

No, he wants to do to this for Booster. For himself.

They’re the ones in this room, no one else.

And he wants to make Booster come. Like this. From him doing this.

He feels Booster’s hips tensing under him, trying not to move. Booster so gentle, so kind, so worried about ruining this. It makes Ted feel a warm pulsing in his chest, that as enthusiastic and excited as Booster gets, he’s doing everything not to move, not to interrupt as Ted experiments.

He pushes down, seeing how much he can take in his mouth. He’d go hilt deep if he could, but he quickly gags soundlessly, Booster already anxiously pulling him away.

“I’m _fine_, Booster,” Ted tells him before Booster has a chance to speak, and then he goes down again, mouth full but not as deep this time, wrapping his lips tight, trying to move up and down as his hand jerks Booster into his mouth.

“Mmm, Ted, Christ,” Booster’s voice is hoarse and low, and Ted loves that, can’t get enough of that voice that only he gets to hear, when Booster’s building like this.

Just keep doing this, not too far down, and try to ignore how his jaw aches already. Already. For pity's sake.

“Ngh,” comes a sharper noise from Booster, not of satisfaction but of pain. He tenses. “Teeth, ah, _teeth_.”

Fuck. Ted quickly opens his mouth more, his aching jaws protesting. He’s so annoyed with himself, that he can’t stick to the only two requests Booster asked of him at the beginning. He resumes the rhythm from before.

“Mm, good,” Booster murmurs, back to breathing heavy. "Fucking perfect." He moves again, and Ted opens up his eyes enough to see Booster rest his hand, fingers splayed, on his chest. He trails lazy circles and groans, and God, he’s the sexiest man in the world. And Ted gets to watch him like this, from a vantage point that is, all things considered, pretty spectacular.

“Ahh, fuck, Ted,” Booster groans, half choked. “I think I’m gonna--”

“Mm hm?” Ted hums enthusiastically. He wants to do this. He wants to succeed at this. He keeps the same pace, admittedly using his hand a little more than his mouth now, sucking, licking the head as best he can while he jerks Booster off.

Booster presses his legs into Ted’s sides, his thighs trembling more now, and Ted adores it, that urgent squeezing. Booster’s moans are rising in pitch, his fingertips pressing into his chest, whole body tensed, trying not to move. “_Mmmffffuck_, I’m coming --”

There’s a flood of burning heat in Ted’s mouth, overwhelming in temperature and volume. He pushes the back of his tongue up, mindful of closing his throat. Booster’s hips jerk involuntarily upward, but with his hand securely gripping the base he can follow the movement with his head. The heat coats his mouth, so warm it takes a moment to even register the salty, earthy taste.

It’s more... neutral than he expected. The taste is certainly less noticeable than the heat.

He considers for half a second to find a Kleenex to spit it into, but why would he? It’s already in his mouth, and it’s not as disagreeable as he’d been led to believe. He pulls back and swallows as Booster drops bodily against the chair once more.

“Mmm,” Booster hums softly, eyes closed, his face still flushed.

He’s so goddamned beautiful.

Ted trails his hand along Booster’s thigh, down his calf and up again. His heart is beating so fast, but it's a good kind of fast, a happy kind of fast. He thinks how surprised he is every time, how Booster’s body goes from tensed to fluid in a moment.

“Let’s get back in bed,” Ted murmurs softly. He wants to wrap himself around Booster, gently share his heat, feel that liquid state of being come to him too.

“Mmph, too far,” Booster grunts, pulling his legs up in the chair. “Come sit here with me instead.”

“I think we’d break the chair.”

“Max’ll pay for it,” Booster yawns. “Come here.”

Ted chuckles, pausing. Then he moves to the side of the chair, jumps up and gently lowers himself in his lap, Ted’s legs slung over the armrest. Booster wraps his arms around him, warm and delicious, and gently kisses his jaw. “Thank you. You were amazing.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Ted murmurs, resting his head against Booster’s shoulder, trailing fingers up his forearm. “I had no idea what I was doing.”

“I loved every second so fucking much,” Booster grins lazily. “If there was a world championship I’d nominate you as a contender.”

Ted laughs, closing his eyes. He realizes that he’s sitting there in his underwear and not sucking in his gut for once.

Strange.

Booster nuzzles his face against Ted's cheek as Ted turns his head, squinting at the light-up digital clock on the nightstand. “Hey, it’s after midnight,” he smiles, feeling Booster tense slightly around him. “It’s the 29th. Happy birthday, Boos."

Booster clears his throat. "Yeah, thanks."

"I guess I was first to give you a present this year, huh?"

“Uh huh,” Booster murmurs, then when he sees Ted looking at him he flashes him a tired smile. “Best gift I could hope for.”

“Anything special you want to do to today? I guess after we’ve slept, and met with --" Ted closes one eye, trying to remember. "The scientist. Dr. Knudsen.”

“Uhh,” Booster lets go of him and sits back in a way that tells Ted he should get up, so he does. “No. Not really.”

“I’m sure we could find something you'd enjoy here,” Ted ventures as he steps towards the bed, a little confused at the change in Booster. “Like a, a club, or if you want to go see a movie we could --”

“Just forget it, okay?” Booster tells him, an unfamiliar tension in his voice. “I told you, I... I really don’t want it to be a big deal.”

Ted pulls away the covers and sits down on the bed. “I’m not making a big deal, it’s just -- last year we didn’t even know when your birthday_ was,_ so this year I thought--”

“Or you could take the hint!” Booster snaps. He looks at Ted, frustration in his eyes, then hides his face in his hands and groans softly. “I’m sorry, it’s not -- “ He exhales, removing his hands, staring at the floor. “It’s not you, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to --” Ted begins, but stops. What did he do?

“I know,” Booster sighs, leaning forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees. “I’m sorry, I just don’t like -- “ He flashes Ted a weary smile. “December’s not the easiest time of year for me, you know?”

Ted realizes it as he says it. “Your family. Michelle.”

Booster frowns, looking away, but nods slightly.

The curse of a twin, never having a birthday all their own. Just after Christmas, too.

“And it's, it's not just that, I think --” Booster's voice trails off, searching for words. “It’s hard not to start_ thinking,_ you know? Like I’m -- I’m older, and another year is ending and it’s like, um,” he smiles at Ted again, a despairing, sad smile. “What am I doing, you know?”

Is this more of that glimpse Ted saw of Booster when he was coming down on painkillers? “You mean with the League or --”

“I mean, yeah, and -- I love the League, I love the work we do, but I’m so tired of, of people not taking anything we do seriously. Like we're jokes. Like _I'm_ a joke.” He frowns at the floor. “Like I came here and I--” he chuckles softly. “I wanted to be Superman."

Ted smiles, confused.

"I’m in the goddamned Justice League, just like Superman. I’m -- I’m important, but I’m also the butt of everyone’s jokes. Like, people wouldn’t make fun of Superman the way they make fun of us.”

“You can’t compare yourself to Superman,” Ted smirks. “No one can.”

“I _know_, I just -- there are people who talk to me as if I’m this perfect... _savior_, and there are people who talk to me like I’m an idiot, utterly worthless," he shrugs. "And I don’t know which I am.”

“It doesn’t occur to you that you could be somewhere in between?”

“Well, nobody ever tells me I’m somewhere in between.”

“Booster.” Ted's voice is soft. “You’re somewhere in between.”

“All I can do is, is compare myself,” Booster continues. “Like, not even Superman, just -- just you guys. You all have skills and strengths and bring things to the table and what do I do?”

“What do any of us do?” Ted shrugs. “Come to bed, Booster.”

“I got some tech stuff I don't know how works." He gestures to the bag with the broken force field belt. "That, and I’m -- I’m good-looking, that’s all I’ve ever been. I guess I look good on the promotional material.”

“You’re way more than that,” Ted objects. “You’re kind, and brave, and hard-working, and --”

“I’m not crying this time, Ted,” Booster looks at him, earnest eyes almost shining in the dark. “I don’t need to be comforted this time, I just, I don’t know,” he shrugs, looking down at his hands. “I just feel _every_ guy in tights out there is brave and good and kind and, and all that sets me apart is how I look.” He swallows. “And I’m just thinking -- I’m getting older, and that will soon be gone too.”

Ted pauses. He doesn’t know how to do this. He’s never been good at this -- this from-the-heart stuff. "I think you’re more than just a handsome face,” he murmurs, feeling like he could have put it more eloquently. “I don’t think that’s your... defining feature. I think there’s, there’s more good in you than that.”

Booster looks at him, and Ted realizes he's been looking tired like that for a while. Maybe he should have remained off duty longer, after his injuries. Even though his arm is almost a 100% now, his bruises gone, maybe he should have been allowed more time off.

“Really?”

“Of course I do,” Ted replies softly. “Now will you come to bed so I can kiss you?”

Booster seems surprised at Ted’s request, but can’t hide a grin as he gets up from his chair, walks over to Ted and carelessly topples against him, both of them falling into bed, Booster on top of Ted. Ted enjoys the comforting weight of him, as always, and with both hands he cradles Booster’s face and kisses him. Booster kisses back, again and again, legs straddling Ted, and then tilts over on his side, dropping to the mattress and snuggling up against him.

“I'm sorry I've been so --" Booster flutters his fingers in the air. "_Gone_ lately. I've been thinking too much."

Ted pauses, gently stroking Booster's arm, following the curve of his triceps. "Do you get homesick?"

"What, for New York?"

"No, like for -- for your own time, your old home."

Booster pulls up his legs, curling around him, hugging him a little tighter. His breath warms Ted's cheek. "I don't know. Sometimes. When I wake up and it takes me a moment to remember, like, oh, this how things are here." He plays with Ted's chest hair, gently, between his fingers. "I guess I'm used to all this, but sometimes things still feel just a little bit unfamiliar, you know?"

"Yeah," Ted murmurs, though he doesn't know. Of course he doesn't.

"It's like, like being in a foreign country and they have all the same stuff, but it doesn't look or taste or smell exactly the way you're used to." He chuckles. "That's how it feels, sometimes."

Ted turns his head, placing a soft kiss on Booster's forehead. "You don't miss your home at all?" Future Gotham. He still can't believe that in the future there exists a Gotham without a Batman. It's got to be some kind of constant.

"Hell no," Booster giggles. "I mean I -- I miss Michelle." He grows serious again. "I guess she was home to me. She and mom. I miss mom, too." He stirs, and Ted places his hand on his back, wanting him to stay. "I guess with both of them gone my branch of the family tree ended when I skipped out of time." He snorts. "Makes you think, huh?"

Ted doesn't know how to answer, so he continues gently trailing his fingers up and down the small of Booster's back.

“I'm the very last one and I'm here, and it's like that means I, I've got to live a certain way, the best way. Make it count, you know?" He squirms slightly before he settles close to Ted again. "And I think like I -- I wonder if this is it for us?”

“What do you mean?” Ted murmurs.

“Like you and me, is this -- is this how it’ll have to be, forever?”

Ted swallows, his mouth suddenly dry (still tasting vaguely of Booster, heat and salt). _You and me forever._ “How?”

“Hiding like this.” Booster’s breath is soft against Ted’s ear when he speaks. “And, you know -- just this. Just the nights together. Fooling around.”

That’s all they’re doing?

Fooling around? Is that the summary of their months spent together?

“What more do you want?” Ted asks, staring at the ceiling, and it sounds almost like an accusation.

“I don’t know, I --” Booster sighs. “I just know that now we’ve got like, buddy hours and sex hours, and I think I, um,” Booster pauses. “I’d like more than that.”

Ted lets his hand drop to the mattress. Trying to keep his breathing steady. “What more is there?” What more can there be?

“I don’t know,” Booster murmurs again, though Ted’s got a fear he _does_ know and won’t say it.

“What, like --” Ted feels a creeping panic. That his fears were true all along: He isn’t enough. He can't make Booster happy the way Booster makes him happy. “Do you want us to hold hands during missions? Make out in the street? Be all gooey and cooey with each other in front of the League?”

“Just forget it,” Booster mutters, rolling over on his side.

“No, I want to know.” Ted’s missing the weight of him already. God, when did he get like this? “What is it that you’re missing?”

“I don’t _know_,” Booster groans, a tinge of frustration in his voice. “Maybe I'd just like to know what we are.”

“What we _are?”_

Booster sits up in bed, crossing his legs, facing Ted. “Like -- like, I don't know, are we exclusive?”

“Exclu--? I don’t know,” Ted mutters. Like it would make a difference on his end, he’s not getting any offers. But Booster -- he must be, well, in demand. Has he been turning people down, after the two of them started this?

Maybe he _hasn’t_ been turning them down, and the thought makes something hurt inside him. “I don’t know,” he lamely repeats, and he feels embarrassed, that he’s giving himself away, that the question hasn’t struck him once because for him it’s only been Booster these last months.

“Or just -- what is this to you?” Booster asks, not looking at him. “What am _I_ to you?”

“What kind of question is that?” Ted sighs, sitting up. But he only asks because he doesn’t know what else to say.

“I guess I -- I just don’t want to spend my life being someone’s guilty pleasure,” Booster says softly, looking at him. “Like Ted, I -- I care about you. A whole fucking lot.”

“I care about you, too,” Ted quickly replies. “But the world is what it is, we can’t just --”

“Like I -- I love you.”

Ted looks up, startled, at Booster’s earnest eyes. His beautiful blue eyes, and it takes Ted a moment to remember he’s supposed to breathe. He opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out.

I love you too, Booster.

_I love you too._

Why won’t the words come out?

Booster closes his eyes, a sigh coming from deep within him, and he shuffles to the edge of the bed, his back to Ted. “I’m sorry, I guess I shouldn’t have --”

“No, it’s, uh, it’s okay,” Ted replies, knowing those words are not what he should say. He makes a face. He thought he'd gotten farther than this, but he's just as useless as he was in that hotel room in Nevada. “I mean, I, I -- Booster.” _Say it. Say it back._ “Doesn’t it ever trip you up?”

_Wrong words, Ted._

Booster turns around, looking at him like... Like he can’t believe it. “Trip me up.”

“I mean, you’re my best friend," Ted sputters desperately. "I've told you I love you, before."

"Yeah, before this." Booster frowns, searching his face.

When they were just best friends. _I love you, man. Love you too._

"I just don't know if this is, uh," Ted closes his eyes, trying to make sense of the jumble inside him as he talks. "If now it would be like that, or -- no, I mean, of course it means something else now, and I don't know." God, he's useless at this. "I don't know what it's supposed to mean now." He sighs, feeling like he don't know the words to make himself clear. If he can be clear. "I guess."

“But, um," Booster looks at him, uncertain. Vulnerable. "Don't you feel any different now? Is it just the same as before for you, except now we fuck?"

“I, uh, I feel _more_,” Ted murmurs, blushing, clasping his hands together. “A whole lot more, trust me. But I’ve never, uh, proceeded like this before, with someone. I don’t know when one thing ends and another begins. Or what to call the differences.”

_I don't know if I say those words to you that they mean the same as when you say them to me._

“I guess it wasn’t fair,” Booster mutters, turning and reaching for his clothes on the floor. “I put you on the spot. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Ted mutters, feeling angry with himself. Like he’s butting up against a wall, but he’s also the wall.

“I shouldn't think when I'm like this,” Booster sighs, pulling on his underwear. “And I think the lack of sleep is catching up to us.”

Buddy hours and sex hours.

A lot of eagerly misspent nights.

“Are you okay?” Ted asks stupidly, looking at Booster silently put on his sweater, his pants.

“Sure, I’m -- I’mma head up to my room and sleep,” Booster yawns, but there’s something more than tiredness in his voice. “Just forget it's my birthday, okay? I just want it to be like any other day.”

“Sure, Booster.”

“You were amazing earlier,” Booster murmurs with a smile, leaning down to give Ted a quick peck on the lips, and then he’s out the door.

Ted sits there, groggy, thinking how he should have grabbed hold of him, kissed him back, passionately, and --

And what? More... fooling around? Would that have made up for everything?

But maybe it would have been something, a concrete thing, when everything inside Ted feels blurry and ill-defined. Something for them both to hold on to, something knowable, something to push away the anxiety in him. In Booster.

A way to say...

_I love you too. _ _I don't know in what way I love you but I do love you. Desperately._

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I'm not saying they won't be happy in the end but they're gonna have to earn it. Like use their big boy words and figure out what they actually want. Some niggling issues have been there for the start and I guess this is the beginning of looking closer at those issues and how to overcome them.
> 
> **[Song:](https://open.spotify.com/user/tilly_stratford/playlist/4SqomvmhyncWPEAobYUZ88?si=DNXWufsLSs29KqRywW2U9A)**  
What's Love Got to Do With It - Tina Turner


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